ADHD Archives | Julie Safranski LCSW

Category: ADHD

June 28, 2016

5 Tips for Managing Summer Activities for Kids with ADHD

The kids are out of school and it’s what they have been waiting for all school year. But they enjoy hanging at home only for so long until a parent hears the cries of “I’m bored”. This is especially true for the child with ADHD who has difficulty sustaining attention. Often the cure for boredom is to keep kids busy doing activities and provide some structure for the summer. For most, finding activities for kids that they enjoy is not that big of a deal. But for kids with ADHD, they may have some other concerns such as social skills difficulties, sensory needs or anxiety that prevent them from easily joining a new program. Here are some ideas to try to make the transition to summer camp season go smoothly.

Research activities in advance

If your kid chooses a new activity to try, it is important to check out what the program requirements may be. A way to handle this is to talk with the park district director or coach to see how it is structured or what types of skills that may be needed. Knowing that your child with ADHD will have naturally occurring built-in movement breaks versus the expectation that there will be lots of waiting around for others during the activity, could make or break the event for your kid. Also prepping the adult in charge about your child’s needs may be helpful (e.g. “My child has a hard time with memorization so will there be ample time for her to practice her lines?”) For those kids with ADHD who struggle at school, it is even more important to find activities that complement their strengths to hopefully increase their self-esteem. Getting the most information as possible can set your child up for success.

Choose something unique

The activities for kids that are the most popular are the ones that their siblings or friends are doing. But kids with ADHD may not have the qualities that would make the event be fun for them. An example is if baseball is great sport for an older brother but your child lacks the self-control in the early stages of learning T-ball. Encourage your child to find an activity that would be something that would play to their strengths and that no one else in the family is doing (e.g. gymnastics because your child has shown to be agile and their sisters are doing tennis). If your child is doing something unique in the family, there aren’t any comparisons with how it is supposed to go or how well they should be doing. Matching the activity to your child’s abilities can increase the chances of your kid sticking with it and having a positive outcome overall. And who knows, your child may find a skill or a talent that they did not know they had.

Prep your kid

I also suggest this when kids have school anxiety but making a visit to the site where the activity takes place, may help alleviate some fears. Figuring out the door where your child should enter, finding the bathrooms or discussing the place where you will pick them up could help them feel confident about entering a new situation. Also prepping your child, the day before discussing what their day will be like and how long they will be there may help with questions, concerns or resistance. If your child is giving you a hard time about going to the new event, having something for them to look forward to afterwards such as getting ice cream or some extra video game time may help.

Acknowledge their feelings

Once your child picks an activity and you feel it will be a good match for them, they may be feeling anxious about trying something new. Or they may become frustrated that the outcome of the class is not what they imagined (e.g. art class focused more on art history rather than making art). Instead of saying “You’ll be fine” which we often say as parents, make your child feel heard by rephrasing what they have shared. (e.g. “ It seems that you are worried if you will make any friends at camp.” ) Encourage your kid to come up with a plan of how to handle it so they feel more in control of their feelings.

They can opt-out if it’s really not working

For some children with ADHD, they have struggled in other activities for kids because they have had some negative experiences and are reluctant to try something new. Discussing with your child your expectations of trying the new activity but also letting them know they can exit after a certain amount of time may be a relief to them. Letting them know after a certain amount of days/weeks you will have a discussion about how things are going and then you can decide together whether to continue. Of course, we want kids to finish tasks and carry out commitments especially if it seems they just lost interest or they tell you don’t like it because their friends aren’t in it. But there are some programs that may just be a bad fit for your kid whether it is skill, personality with the teacher or other kids. Not all activities for kids are right for your child. If your kid comes home upset everyday, sometimes in order to preserve self-esteem, you may have to abort the idea and keep trying to find that activity that works for them. Or after they mature a bit in a year or two, some children are able to return to the activity and enjoy it.

Julie Safranski, LCSW is a Chicago psychotherapist. She enjoys helping kids with ADHD utilize their strengths to have success at school and at home. She can be reached at js@juliesafranski.com.

November 27, 2015

4 Parenting Tips: The Holidays with Your Child with ADHD

Photo by Joanna Kosinska on Unsplash

With the excitement of the holiday season upon us, all kids tend to ramp up this time of year in eager anticipation. As the days get closer to winter break and the holidays that follow, kids become more excitable and even your calmest kid seems a little haywire. And if your child has ADHD (Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder), it is even more difficult for them to be able to control their impulsivity, hyperactivity, attention as well as overall emotional regulation. Here are some parenting tips that may help make the holidays a little less stressful for you and your child with ADHD.

Tip #1: Create a routine in the midst of the holiday

Kids who have ADHD need structure and holidays are the worst culprits in creating unpredictability. I have talked before about creating a routine such as when traveling. One idea is to try to keep as close to typical eating/sleeping schedules as possible. This may seem to be an inconvenience to Aunt Susie who wants to play another round of UNO with the kids instead of having them go to bed because “she never gets to see them”. But she will thank you later if you prevent a meltdown because a lot of kids with ADHD struggle with sensory processing causing these tantrum-like behaviors. Also sketching out the activities of the day and talking to your child about what is going to happen can be valuable. Also having reminders as the day goes along about activities will also help with their anxiety in anticipation of the possible fun that might happen (presents!).

Tip #2: Give your child an “out” if they seem overwhelmed

Lots of relatives talking and laughing loudly in a room compounded with the awkwardness of talking to people that they do not know, can create an overwhelming situation for your child with ADHD (or adults for that matter). Not to mention opening gifts and lots of sugar on top of an already overstimulated child. If you see that your child needs a break from the action, give them one even if they protest. Although your child may resist the break, afterwards they may appreciate being able to get some time away. They may need some calming activities of their choice; reading or drawing in a quiet room, listening to music on their headphones, watching a movie or playing a video game on his tablet. This can be done whether you are at home or away at a relative’s house. After some downtime, they may be ready to join the rest of the family again and enjoy the festivities.

Tip #3: Keep them busy but not too busy

Parents are stressed because they have so much to do to get ready for the holidays and kids often complain “I’m bored” which may lead to arguments or behavior issues. Put your child’s energy (and sometimes hyperfocus) to good use help you while also striking a balance of their own downtime alone. Whether they like wrapping gifts, making cookies or taking the dog for a walk can keep them busy and happy. Engaging them in holiday tasks gives them something to focus on and feel accomplished when finished. Also, decide which holiday events are most important to attend (e.g. ice skating with 1 close friend vs. neighbor’s holiday open house with lots of people) as not to overextend them. Too many events can overload a child with ADHD even if the activities are ones that they really would enjoy which can lead to poor behavior choices.

Tip #4: Prepping them for expectations

Holiday gatherings bring many unfamiliar social expectations for kids of all ages. Preparing for what may happen can help as well as problem-solving in advance can be useful to manage likely awkward social situations. An example is “ Grandma expects you not to be on your phone while you are at a family gathering. Can you try to keep texting to a minimum?” or “ I know your cousin Tyler usually likes to play with you but you do not always like to do the same things. Maybe you can think about how you can compromise when you both want to do different things?” Discussing these potential situations in advance can hopefully avoid altercations with relatives and hurt feelings.

Julie Safranski, LCSW is a Chicago psychotherapist and can be reached at js@juliesafranski.com.

September 27, 2015

Dealing with Anxiety; 10 Suggestions of Children’s Books

“What’s a good book I can read to my son/daughter about ……”

I often get asked to recommend books particularly for children and teenagers on various topics. So I decided to provide a list of 10 suggestions of various children’s books dealing with anxiety (in no particular order). This month I am focusing on books for kids in pre-school and elementary school. I hope to make this a regular series and will do another post for pre-teen and teenagers dealing with anxiety. For more possibilities of books/workbooks for kids on various topics you can head over to my Pinterest page.

I am Too Absolutely Small for School— Lauren Child (Grades PreK-K)

A book from the well-known series about Lola and her older brother, Charlie who is always trying to help his quirky sister. This one is about going to kindergarten and Charlie tries to get Lola to understand why it’s so important to go to school even though she gives her brother many (common) excuses of why she can’t go. Great multi-media artwork that kids always enjoy.

Jake Starts School— Michael Wright (Gr. Pre-K-1)

A lot of kids when being dropped off on the first day of school, tell their parents they don’t want them to go (including mine). And this story depicts an over-the-top version of what would happen if parents were to stay with their son/daughter in class. This is bound to crack some smiles for both kids and parents.

The Kissing Hand –Audrey Penn (Gr. PreK-K )

This is one of the sweetest books about how to manage your feelings about going to school for the first time and being separated from family. This is a classic and if you haven’t read it yet, once you do you will know why.

What to Do if you Worry Too Much; A Kid’s Guide to Overcoming Anxiety —Dawn Huebner PhD (Gr. 2-5)

More of workbook than a story, this book written by a psychologist, helps reassure kids that they are not alone in dealing with their anxiety. Provides kid-friendly concepts and illustrations along with strategies. A great tool that parents can do together with their child to reinforce concepts learned throughout the book or in between therapy sessions.

Wilma Jean the Worry Machine— Julia Cook (Gr. 2-5 )

Poor Wilma Jean–she cannot help herself from saying “What if?” The author provides great strategies of how to deal with different types of worries (ones you can control vs not control). Kids love her books with the colorful, relatable characters.

Wemberley Worried — Kevin Henkes (Gr. PreK-K)

Wemberley worries about everything in her life including going to school until she meets a friend just like her. Young kids who struggle with generalized anxiety will relate to all of her concerns and find comfort that they are not the only one who has worries.

When My Worries Get Too Big! A Relaxation Book for Children who Live with Anxiety— Kari Dunn Buron (Gr. 1-5)

A great book for those kids who have intense emotions regarding anxiety including those with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD), ADHD etc. It gives specific calming strategies and simple tools to help families have a way to communicate about their child’ s anxiety.

Testing Miss Malarkey –Judy Finchler (Gr. 2-5)

A humorous tale for those kids who are worrying about standardized tests (that happen oh-so-often these days!). Although it doesn’t give specific strategies, it tries to give the perspective that testing isn’t about the student’s scores but about measuring up the school staff.

A Bad Case of the Stripes– David Shannon (Gr. 1-4)

A fantastic read about being yourself and what happens if you try to be what others want you to be. The underlying theme focuses on anxiety, which illustrates the the consequences of not being yourself and a good read for those kids who struggle with some social anxiety.

Up and Down the Worry Hill; A Children’s Book about Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder and it’s Treatment —Aureen Pinto Wagner PhD (Gr. 1-4)

Children who have OCD will see themselves in the main character, Casey who struggles with getting through his day-to-day routine. There is a parent companion book that some also might find it helpful in supporting their child.

Julie Safranski, LCSW is a Chicago psychotherapist in private practice. She can be contacted at js@juliesafranski.com.

July 17, 2015

Kids with ADHD; 3 tips when traveling

Relaxation. Fun. Adventure. Being able to take a vacation during the summer is what we look forward to all year. But if you have a child with ADHD, going to a new destination can be very stressful for parents and children alike. How do you make sure that your vacation doesn’t turn into more trouble than it’s worth? Here are some suggestions to try to minimize stress and have everyone be able to enjoy themselves.

Planning

Yes, lots and lots of pre-planning. Overall, a vacation provides the novelty that many people with ADHD seek. But also making sure that the type of trip you are thinking of taking involves activities that you know your child will enjoy is also important. Kids with ADHD will do better if they are doing something that holds their interest. When bored (e.g.too many museum exhibits with long lines), is when you see kids making their poor behavior choices due to their impulsivity. Even if your vacation is not entirely child-centric (which is ok!), having activities across the day that will hold your child’s attention will be helpful in the long run. But in the meanwhile, bring things along that might keep them entertained during waiting periods such as silly putty for the younger ones or IPod/IPhone w/headphones for the older ones. Also, if you are planning to go to a family resort or large amusement park, calling ahead to see if they have special assistance for those who have special needs such as a way to bypass the long lines. Another idea is to have healthy snacks available for your kids with ADHD because we know that too much sugar and processed food is not good for any kid (there is debate whether it increases the symptoms or if red dye #40 has an impact ) Either bringing snacks from home or order online the favorite foods to be delivered at your hotel makes it convenient for your kids to eat (somewhat) healthy while you are away from home.

Create some sort of routine away from home

We know it’s hard to have a routine when you are on vacation. But providing some sort of structure while at a relative’s house, hotel or rented home while away will help provide some stability for those kids with ADHD. One way is to give the kids the day’s schedule when they wake up so they know what to expect even if it is different than a typical day. It also gives the kids expectations about what is happening for the day and can keep the kids from asking (ok- maybe just reducing the amount of times they ask), “what are we doing now?” Or if you are staying for awhile, even a mini-white board written with days of the week with the main activities of the day could help provide a visual reference. Also, if your kid is a picky eater, having those familiar foods on hand or going to a place you know that your child can get those foods will help them feel at ease. At bedtime, if part of their routine they usually read a couple of stories, bring a few along or download ones you can read on the Kindle if needed.

Know When Your Child Needs to Take a Break

Splash parks! Water slides! Amusements rides! Lots of sugary desserts! All of these things are some of the best parts of summer for kids but it also could mean a recipe for meltdowns and poor behavior choices. A good amount of kids with ADHD also have sensory issues . So this also means that they could get easily overstimulated by the activities they are doing even if they are having so much fun. As a parent, you will need to have alternate activities that may help your child calm down. These activities could be as simple as daily rest time back in the hotel room which could be reading, napping, watching a movie, playing on the IPad, listening to music with earphones or quietly playing. Or has your child been cooped up in the car traveling or been waiting in too many lines? Those kids who struggle with hyperactivity may need a chance to get their energy out. You may want to plan a visit to a local playground to climb and swing which provides good sensory input. Or a greenspace to run, kick a ball or play frisbee. For younger kids, you will probably have to look for the signs of an impending meltdown and cue them for a break. And for older kids, telling them they have an option to bow out of an activity during the day to do one of these strategies may prevent an argument due to non-compliance later.

Julie Safranski, LCSW is a Chicago psychotherapist. She loves to help kids with ADHD utilize their strengths and give them tools to feel in-control of their behavior. You can reach her at js@juliesafranski.com

January 3, 2015

Your child with ADHD; 5 ways to get them back in the routine after a break

Photo by Patricia Prudente on Unsplash

Your kids have been off for 2 weeks and you may have been too. Your time has probably been filled with kids sleeping in, family gatherings, sleepovers, late bedtimes and probably lots of toys/games cluttering your house. Even the families with the best intentions have difficulty keeping to a schedule over breaks. But now it is time to get back to the routine of work and school which is always difficult for everyone, especially those with ADHD. The first Monday after a break will be difficult but here are 5 suggestions to get you back on track and hopefully make for a smoother adjustment back to their routine.

Have your child go to bed a little earlier than they have been beginning on Saturday night.

I know most families have a different bedtime for their school-age kids during the week than they do on the weekends. The same goes for vacations. If this is true for your family, having your children go to bed closer to their normal bedtime on Saturday will hopefully make your Sunday night less stressed. We all know a child with ADHD needs their routine and sooner they can get back to it, the better. By Sunday night, they got a little extra sleep and hopefully there is a little less fighting about bedtime and “I’m not tired”.

Go to bed a little earlier on Saturday night.

Yes, you too. You also could use extra sleep with all those events you planned, hosted, attended etc. Not to mention all those extra activities you had to plan for the kids when they were off. A little extra sleep for you will also help you to deal with not only your adjustment but your kid’s transition back to school. Plus, you are modeling what you are preaching.

Have your child gather all their things the night before to be ready to walk out the door Monday morning.

Their backpack probably is exactly where they left it when they came home from that Friday afternoon when their break started. This also eliminates any surprises Monday morning of things that should have been given to you to read, sign or for them to complete. Also, have the kids lay out their outfit for the next day including socks and shoes. One less decision to make and one less shoe that needs to found. Preparing for the morning ahead of time is always helpful but after a long break, it can help make the morning a little less hectic with a child with ADHD.

Go over the calendar for the next day/week.

You have been out of the routine for 2 weeks. All kids will need a reminder of their schedule of activities but it is particularly important for a a child with ADHD. Refreshing their memories about their schedule will hopefully will prevent any surprise meltdowns for those kids who get upset when the routine changes or have difficulty with transitions. Not to mention, it helps you prepare for the week.

Get up 15 minutes early to prepare for the day.

Give yourself an extra 15 minutes to get yourself together. Enjoy that cup of coffee. Scan the news on the internet. Creating that time for yourself will help you be present to be able to support your child with ADHD who even with the best planning, might need your help in the morning to start their week after a long break.

Julie Safranski, LCSW is a Chicago psychotherapist. She can be reached at js@juliesafranski.com