kids Archives | Julie Safranski LCSW

Tag: kids

October 26, 2017

What to Read; 7 Books for Kids with ADHD

In my work with kids who have the traits of Attention Hyperactivity Deficit Disorder (ADHD), many families struggle with how to discuss the symptoms with their kids. Bibliotherapy is a technique I often use with kids in my practice. But reading books for kids with ADHD can easily done with parents at home or with teachers at school. Here is a round-up of recommended books for kids with ADHD that depict various traits of impulsivity, inattention, hyperactivity, difficulty concentrating and blurting out. For other ideas for books, you can check out my post about books about anxiety for elementary school kids and for teens as well as books that teach empathy. And you can head over to my Pinterest page for more possibilities of books/workbooks for kids and teens on various topics.

Here are the recommendations of books for kids with ADHD in no particular order:

My Warp Speed Mind, Donalisa Helsley (K-3rd grade)

Written by a clinical social worker, it is one of the few books that address the thoughts at “warp speed” in a kid with ADHD. Offers tools to deal with impulsivity and how to slow down.

My Mouth is Volcano, Julia Cook (2nd-4th grade)

One of my personal favorites about a boy named Louis, who feels the need to blurt out his thoughts at any time. An entertaining read with a helpful technique for kids to curb this not-so-uncommon behavior.

What Were You Thinking? Bryan Smith (2nd-4th grade)

A great read about a third-grader Braden, whose impulsivity leads to poor choices. Whether Braden makes jokes in class at the wrong time or blurts something out and hurts his classmate’s feelings, kids with ADHD will relate to this story.

Terrific Teddy’s Excessive Energy Jim Forgan (K-2nd)

This is an ideal choice for a parent/guardian who is trying to explain ADHD to a child who has been recently diagnosed. It has two optional endings for parents who want to use the terms ADHD or speak generally about traits such as excessive energy.

Pay Attention Emily Brown, Linda Brown (PreK-1st grade)

A wonderfully written picture book about a mom who in a gentle way, is trying to get her daughter to pay attention. Written in rhyme, it’s catchy prose captures entertains young readers who struggle with inattentiveness.

Hank Zipzer series, Henry Winkler (3rd-5th grade)

A chapter book series as well as a TV show by Henry Winkler (yes parents, The Fonz), detailing the life of Hank who has dyslexia but shares a lot of qualities of ADHD. Engaging plots, kids are drawn into Hank’s poor decision-making schemes and how he manages to deal with his choices.

Joey Pigza Swallowed the Key, Jack Ganza, (5th grade and up)

If you are looking for a series of books for kids with ADHD, this is it. Swallowed The Key is an entertaining book in how he deals with the challenges of his diagnosis. A boy who felt he could identify with Joey in many ways, particularly the impulsive choices and how it impacted his life at school recommended this book to me.

Julie Safranski, LCSW is a Chicago psychotherapist. She enjoys working with kids with ADHD and their families to help them see their strengths and manage their challenges. She can be reached at js@juliesafranski.com.

March 31, 2017

Consequences: The Surprising Truth About Teens

After telling people I work with teenagers I often get the response, “Oh I could never do that” or “What do you even talk to them about?”. I actually feel fortunate to have been able to work with teenagers for as many years as I have. You might wonder why I feel that way but I have been privy to their unique and often fresh insights. Some are what you might expect and others are downright surprising. The ones that shock people the most are:

“I thought I would get a worse punishment.”

Or:

“I’m surprised I could go out after that.”

Or:

“I would have taken my phone away.”

Or my personal favorite:

“They always threaten to take away my [phone, car, etc.] but once they calm down they never do.”

Ok parents. You heard it straight from the source. We are falling down on the job. They are expecting us to give them consequences and take away their most prized possessions and/or restrict their whereabouts. Moving forward this is what we need to do:

Discuss consequences and establish rewards.

Yep. You need to spell out what might happen if expectations are not met. In a previous post I wrote about how to create house rules based on values, expectations and teenager input. So if you expect your child to maintain a B average and they don’t, they aren’t allowed to use their phone in the evening. Even asking your teenager what they think is a fair consequence will be a great way to get buy-in. You’d be surprised how much stricter they would be if they were doling out the punishments. And for the rewards it could be the use of the family car on weekends or something specific like tickets to a hear their favorite band.

Enforce consequences and rewards.

This is huge. You must follow-through on what you say you are going to do (see above: my personal favorite). Your child is expecting it even if they say something to the contrary. Even if they protest, whine, pout, slam doors, give you the silent treatment etc. you need to give the consequence. It sends the message of consistency and as a parent you can be counted on. It creates the structure that they are craving (even though their behavior may say the opposite) during a time of their life when their life may feel a bit chaotic or overwhelming. And often if a consequence is discussed beforehand (eg. “curfew is 11pm and if you are late without letting us know, you are grounded next weekend”), the teen can use it as a way to get out of unsavory situations. The threat of a parent’s punishment will give teenagers the opportunity to make a better choice. They can blame you for being strict and save face in front of their friends. And of course, if your teenager gets great grades, follow-through on getting those summer festival tickets you promised. If you don’t, it reinforces that it’s ok not to do what you say you are going to do, modeling the exact behavior you are trying to discourage.

If you give consequences or rewards, expect an emotional reaction from your teenager.

Yes, your teenager may be angry with you. They might even say they hate you. But if you are a consistent in your parenting, your teenager will come around and know deep down you did exactly what you said you were going to do. As uneasy as it makes us feel as parents, a teenager having some conflict with their parents is typical. Developmentally, they are supposed to be rejecting their parents at this stage of their life because they are figuring out their role and identity. No one likes conflict, but try not to take your teen’s resistance personally. Try to think of it as part of the stage of trying to be independent and they are rejecting your limit-setting. Of course, if you get those tickets for your teenager to Lolla or Pitchfork for doing well in school, you might also get a strong positive reaction from your kid that you might not have seen before (or in awhile).

Julie Safranski, LCSW is a Chicago psychotherapist. She enjoys working with teens and their families in helping them communicate in a way that they both can understand each other. She can be reached at js@juliesafranski.com.

January 27, 2017

Teaching empathy to kids; 8 books to read

Recently, I have gotten some requests about how parents and/or educators can be teaching empathy to kids. Books are great way to have kids explore other people’s perspectives and develop empathy towards others who may be different from us. So here are 8 suggestions of various children’s books addressing themes of empathy and kindness (in no particular order). For more possibilities of books/workbooks for kids and teens on various topics you can head over to my Pinterest page. Or for other recommendations for books about anxiety, you can check out my post for elementary school kids and for teens.

Last Stop on Market Street, Matt de le Pena (4-7 yo)

I absolutely love this book for both the wonderful text and illustrations depicting the diversity of life’s circumstances. It chronicles the bus ride of CJ and his Nana and the conversation that ensues. CJ asks his grandmother many questions about why he doesn’t have the same things as the other kids. She responds in a way that makes him look at his life differently with gratitude even at the end even when their trip ends at a soup kitchen. A must read!

Ivan: The Remarkable True Story of the Shopping Mall Gorilla, Katherine Applegate. (5-8yo)

Based on a true story, this picture book details the life of a gorilla who gets taken from his family as a baby in the jungle in Congo to grow up in a shopping mall in the Unites States for entertainment. With pressure from the community, he eventually get transfers to a zoo. A terrific way to promote empathy for other living creatures besides humans.

Those Shoes, Maribeth Boelts (5-8yo)

A book about an important topic for most young boys; the social status of what shoes they wear. Jeremy wants shoes that they can’t afford which his grandma tells him they are a want not a need. There’s an interesting ending of how Jeremy demonstrates empathy after getting free shoes from the school counselor.

Big Nate Lives it Up: Big Nate, Book 7, Lincoln Peirce (8 yo+)

The main character who usually struggles with his interpersonal skills focuses in this book on trying to be more kind to his classmates. There is a new student in the class and Nate works hard to be empathetic. Relatable to all kids, an enjoyable read for your chapter book readers.

Ordinary Mary’s Extraordinary Deed, Emily Pearson (3-7yo)

A story about a girl who picks blueberries for a neighbor. Then the neighbor makes muffins with the blueberries and shares them with 5 people. And a chain of kind deeds ensues. A great way to demonstrate to young kids how their one small action can affect a lot of people in a positive way.

Just My Luck , Cammie McGovern (8 yo +)

Benny, a fourth-grader is dealing with a lot in his life. His father just got into an accident, was in the hospital and they are not sure about his recovery. His best friend moved away and he is struggling to make new friends. One of his older brothers has autism and he says things out loud that he probably shouldn’t. Kids will find Benny likable and will enjoy reading about how he deals with his issues in a kind and empathetic way.

Enemy Pie, Derrick Munson (5-8 yo)

The summer was going well until Jeremy Ross moved in down the street. Jeremy made fun of people and excluded them from his party. The only way the boy could beat Jeremy Ross is through the dad’s enemy pie in which they had to work together to do. An fun take on how sometimes first judgments aren’t always correct and kindness goes a long way.

What if Everybody Did That?, Ellen Javernick (3-7yo)

So what would happen if everyone littered, splashed at the pool or fed animals at the zoo? This is a great tale for young readers that depicts the consequences of how our behavior affects others.

Julie Safranski, LCSW is a Chicago psychotherapist in private practice. She has a passion for working with kids and their families. She can be contacted at js@juliesafranski.com.