Relieving Stress Archives | Julie Safranski LCSW

Category: Relieving Stress

October 8, 2016

Teen Stress: 4 Helpful Tips for Parents

Your teen has been snapping at you when you ask them how was their day. They yelled at their sister for bothering them when all they were doing was asking to borrow something. Your kid is silent at the dinner table and when you ask why, they say it’s because they are tired and have a lot to do. You see bags under their eyes from not enough sleep. Teen stress is not uncommon, and your high school student may be struggling to manage. As a parent, you hate to see your child like this but not sure what you can do. Here are four tips to help your teen manage their stress.

Teen Stress Tip #1: Make sure that their basic needs are being met

Too many high school students say they don’t eat all day until they get home because they “don’t have time”. Or teenagers report they were up so late doing homework into the middle of the night and had 3 hours of sleep (of course there are the ones who were on their phone or playing video games too). We know that teenagers need 8-10 hours a night and they need to be eating throughout the day. Can you force your high schooler go to bed at a certain time or eat 3 meals? Probably not but having a conversation about your concern about not eating or sleeping may be more impactful than you think. They might just need the encouragement to make better choices. Or they need help to problem-solve what are the best options for them (e.g. bring breakfast on the go and bringing snacks throughout the day). Also enforcing a no-phone rule after a certain hour by charging their phone in a community area of the house may be the structure they need to limit their distractions.

Teen Stress Tip #2: Make sure they actually have some downtime

I am a big proponent for self-care to manage stress. This includes for teenagers too. High school students often are going to school starting at 6am for an early morning practice until 11pm at night working on their homework. No one should be keeping that schedule on a regular basis so why are we making our kids do that? Teenagers should be able to find at least 15-30 minutes a day to veg out doing whatever makes them relaxed. Everyone’s brain needs that downtime. So whether that is watching Netflix, listening to music, catching up with friends on social media, it is their time to not have any requirements. Also, encouraging the downtime may actually decrease their distractions while trying to do homework because they at least “checked-in” with their friends.

Teen Stress Tip #3: Eliminate unnecessary activities

Some kids just LOVE being involved in everything and have a hard time choosing what really they would like to focus on. But then there are high school students who think they should be in all these activities because they feel their parents want them to, “it looks good for college applications” or it seems like all their friends are doing it. Often kids just have to many commitments that stretch their time too thin and they end up not enjoying anything they are doing. Help them prioritize what makes most sense for them now to continue and what they could eliminate in their day to make them less overwhelmed. Maybe the piano that they have been playing since elementary school now does not provide the same spark as it did in the past. Or the regular part-time job babysitting is more important because they can do homework after the kids go to bed and they get paid for it. A conversation with your teenager may just be the relief they are looking for and the permission to give up something they do not find joy in anymore.

Teen Stress Tip #4: Keep parental expectations in check

I have worked in many school settings in which college was the end game for most students. But now there is more is the emphasis of getting into the “best” or the “right” school. Some kids are naturally academically inclined, love learning, and are self-motivated to push themselves to do their best. This means taking the hardest classes, being involved in the most activities, volunteering etc. to get into THE school of their choice. If a heavy schedule of activities are driven by the teenager (with a realistic perspective) there is less of a concern than if it is something they feel they should be doing based on other social or family pressures. I also think that some kids take AP classes and it ends up not being worth their time. Kids need a certain score to gain college credit. But often kids have to score at the highest level to gain the credit or end up going to a school that do not accept AP credits. Is the extra AP class really needed when really their heart lies in a different subject or activity? (eg. they are involved in community theater and want to do that in college). Think about the messages you may be sending as a parent about how much they should be doing. Kids can sense expectations even if they are not explicitly stated and will want to meet your standards. A frank conversation about their future goals may be a way to eliminate the stress they are feeling.

After reading this, you may wonder if your teenager is stressed or has a more serious issue such as anxiety. Check out my previous post for more information. If you still have more concerns, you may want to seek the assistance of a mental health professional. A psychotherapist can help your child find stress management techniques work for them and an effective self-care routine.

Julie Safranski, LCSW is a Chicago psychotherapist. She loves to work with teenagers to help find their balance in managing stress before they enter real world of adulthood. She can be contacted at js@juliesafranski.com.

July 17, 2015

Kids with ADHD; 3 tips when traveling

Relaxation. Fun. Adventure. Being able to take a vacation during the summer is what we look forward to all year. But if you have a child with ADHD, going to a new destination can be very stressful for parents and children alike. How do you make sure that your vacation doesn’t turn into more trouble than it’s worth? Here are some suggestions to try to minimize stress and have everyone be able to enjoy themselves.

Planning

Yes, lots and lots of pre-planning. Overall, a vacation provides the novelty that many people with ADHD seek. But also making sure that the type of trip you are thinking of taking involves activities that you know your child will enjoy is also important. Kids with ADHD will do better if they are doing something that holds their interest. When bored (e.g.too many museum exhibits with long lines), is when you see kids making their poor behavior choices due to their impulsivity. Even if your vacation is not entirely child-centric (which is ok!), having activities across the day that will hold your child’s attention will be helpful in the long run. But in the meanwhile, bring things along that might keep them entertained during waiting periods such as silly putty for the younger ones or IPod/IPhone w/headphones for the older ones. Also, if you are planning to go to a family resort or large amusement park, calling ahead to see if they have special assistance for those who have special needs such as a way to bypass the long lines. Another idea is to have healthy snacks available for your kids with ADHD because we know that too much sugar and processed food is not good for any kid (there is debate whether it increases the symptoms or if red dye #40 has an impact ) Either bringing snacks from home or order online the favorite foods to be delivered at your hotel makes it convenient for your kids to eat (somewhat) healthy while you are away from home.

Create some sort of routine away from home

We know it’s hard to have a routine when you are on vacation. But providing some sort of structure while at a relative’s house, hotel or rented home while away will help provide some stability for those kids with ADHD. One way is to give the kids the day’s schedule when they wake up so they know what to expect even if it is different than a typical day. It also gives the kids expectations about what is happening for the day and can keep the kids from asking (ok- maybe just reducing the amount of times they ask), “what are we doing now?” Or if you are staying for awhile, even a mini-white board written with days of the week with the main activities of the day could help provide a visual reference. Also, if your kid is a picky eater, having those familiar foods on hand or going to a place you know that your child can get those foods will help them feel at ease. At bedtime, if part of their routine they usually read a couple of stories, bring a few along or download ones you can read on the Kindle if needed.

Know When Your Child Needs to Take a Break

Splash parks! Water slides! Amusements rides! Lots of sugary desserts! All of these things are some of the best parts of summer for kids but it also could mean a recipe for meltdowns and poor behavior choices. A good amount of kids with ADHD also have sensory issues . So this also means that they could get easily overstimulated by the activities they are doing even if they are having so much fun. As a parent, you will need to have alternate activities that may help your child calm down. These activities could be as simple as daily rest time back in the hotel room which could be reading, napping, watching a movie, playing on the IPad, listening to music with earphones or quietly playing. Or has your child been cooped up in the car traveling or been waiting in too many lines? Those kids who struggle with hyperactivity may need a chance to get their energy out. You may want to plan a visit to a local playground to climb and swing which provides good sensory input. Or a greenspace to run, kick a ball or play frisbee. For younger kids, you will probably have to look for the signs of an impending meltdown and cue them for a break. And for older kids, telling them they have an option to bow out of an activity during the day to do one of these strategies may prevent an argument due to non-compliance later.

Julie Safranski, LCSW is a Chicago psychotherapist. She loves to help kids with ADHD utilize their strengths and give them tools to feel in-control of their behavior. You can reach her at js@juliesafranski.com

March 28, 2015

How Moms Can Take Charge of their Stress; 9 Simple Self-Care Activities to Try

Whether you recently had a baby or your children are school-age, today’s moms are juggling priorities more than ever. We are living in an era where the internet provides us so much information on how to parent our children. There is an expectation to be “professional” moms well-versed in the latest methods of the current developmental task facing our child (“Potty-train your son in 1 week!”, “Does your teenager have the test-taking skills to get into the college of their choice?”) Never mind that life happens and there is grocery shopping, laundry, playdates, cleaning the house, and having to cart the kids to the next extra-curricular activity. Unfortunately in taking care of our families, often parents are not taking care of themselves. We have to consider our self-care activities analogous to the airplane safety talk we hear from flight attendants; we need to take care of ourselves so we are able to help those around us who need us whether it be kids, spouse, aging parents or friends. For many this is difficult, but even incorporating one change at a time to relieve stress can benefit us greatly. Here are some gentle reminders of ways to relieve stress.

Take time for yourself daily

If you are unable to commit to any other changes in relieving stress, start with making time for yourself daily. Find 15-20 minutes a day to do something that you enjoy. Whether that is reading a magazine, taking a relaxing bath/shower (uninterrupted!), taking the dog for a walk, watching TV or even just sitting in complete silence will be a step in developing good self-care. It’s a great way to start to establish a pattern of self-care to be better able to start to relieve our stress.

Eat healthily

“Clean Eating” is all the rage these days but for good reason. You feel better when you eat less processed foods, more whole grains, fruits and vegetables. But making sure that happens is easier said than done. One small change you can make is packing a healthy lunch if you normally eat out. Then you know you have had at least one healthy meal a day. If you are a planner, try batching your cooking on one day of the week. The you can decide to freeze some items and keep others in the fridge so you don’t have to cook during the rest of the week. Another idea is utilizing the slow-cooker aka Crock Pot from the 70’s and 80’s. The kitchen tool has found it’s way back into households for good reason; it helps to relieve the stress of busy lives by cooking while you are out with the kids or at work. (And not just women use it, men are using it too.) You come home and voila! You have a cooked meal without spending any time in the kitchen. Current recipes reflect healthier ingredients than in the past. Need ideas? Try googling crock-pot recipes and you will find endless blog posts on the subject not to mention Pinterest boards full of possibilities.

Sleep

We all know that getting enough sleep can be difficult, particularly as parents. Babies that aren’t on a schedule, toddlers waking up to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night, sick school-age kids or even waiting up for teenagers to come home can all can impact our sleep. I have offered some strategies in a previous post to develop good sleep hygiene that may be helpful. If your kids are still taking naps, you should try to join them if you can. Napping has shown to have great benefits and the more sleep we have, the better our bodies can help us relieve our stress.

Gratitude

Expressing appreciation for what one has, can be difficult when dealing with stress day-to-day. But developing the discipline to recognize the good in our lives has shown to have both emotional and physical benefits. Numerous studies have show that cultivating gratitude daily can result in being more optimistic, attaining more goals, more empathetic and being more connected to others. How to practice? Write 3 things you are thankful in the morning and at night daily. If you need inspiration to get you started, here are 52 prompts for the year.

Exercise

This is a concept that lots of people struggle with particularly after having kids. How to fit exercise in your schedule in a way that your needs are being met while also not feeling guilty when taking time away from our family. We all know the benefits of exercise but this article quickly sums up the positive impacts if you need reminders. If you don’t like the gym or don’t have the time to commit to a membership, how about taking up a sport? Maybe it’s going back to the athletics of your youth (be a mom who plays soccer rather than just a soccer mom!) Or now is the time to try a new fitness class or sport. For some people, knowing that others are depending on you to show up is the motivation to exercise. And for working moms, even if you cannot find the time exercise, walking at lunch has shown to relieve stress and create health benefits.

Find a hobby

Finding a hobby could be an important way of finding that “me” time while also fulfilling a passion of yours that you put aside when you started having kids. Or it could be an activity that you have always wanted to try. And if you are learning a new skill, besides relieving stress, there is an added benefit to increase your memory. Investigate your local park districts or libraries that offer adult classes. There are also colleges/universities that have continuing education programs teaching various skills. Local stores, art studios etc, also offer classes. If money is an issue, if you have a few friends that are proficient in a particular hobby, have a monthly night that you meet to learn a new project. Or if you if you prefer the self-taught route, there are tons of videos You Tube that have informational tutorials on various subjects. A hobby or personal interest also teaches your children that you are a life-long learner!

Socialize

Whether you are introverted or extroverted, spending time with others is a great way to relieve stress. The daily grind can be isolating if all your socializing consists of school drop-off or pick-up squeezed in during your work day. If you are a stay-at-home with an infant, it also can get lonely without adult interaction. One study has shown that friendships for women provide an alternative to the traditional fight-or-flight response to stress. If you want a structured plan, join a new mom’s group or a book club. If you are a looking to meet area parents, plan activities or outings with other stay-at-home moms in your area through a Meet-Up group. Even if you can plan a monthly coffee with a friend, it is a step that can help you to recharge. Or swap babysitting with friends or neighbors so you can get a night out with your husband or wife.

Just Say No

Maybe you have guilt that you are “only” staying home with your kids and not working outside the home for pay. Since you are at home, you may end up being the go-to person whom family, neighbors, friends come to for extra help. If you can assist them, great. But often times we feel obligated if people ask us to do something for them, we need to do it because we don’t want to let them down. Saying yes too many times to commitments that we do not want to do will make us exhausted, unhappy and/ or resentful. Setting healthy boundaries will save our energies for the people and commitments that are really important to us.

Ask for Help

Didn’t I just write “Just Say No”? Yes, but there are times we do need to rely on others who are able to help us. Not just able to help us but want to help and are sincere about it. You may have helped this person in the past. Or maybe this is a friend is in a different place in their life and have more time to do things for other people. Think of the friend who has older high school children who loves babies and can watch your child while you head out to the gym or get a manicure. Consider a niece or nephew who can pick-up/drop-off your kids at school to simplify your schedule once or twice a week. Or even that neighbor who says, “I’m headed to the store -do you need anything?”. Instead of always saying no, ask her to pick up those one or two items that would prevent you from having to make a separate trip. You could always return the favor another time. And help isn’t always in the form of asking others for favors, it could be simplifying your responsibilities. It might be hiring someone to clean your house occasionally, using a grocery-delivery service or even considering getting a personal assistant if you have a very busy work/home life that could use someone helping you out a few hours a week.

One step at a time, all of us can find ways that can relieve stress. Creating a good self-care plan does not necessarily have be about sweeping changes but often just small adjustments to our day-to-day life that can improve our well-being. Making a commitment to relieving stress, ultimately makes a pledge to being more emotionally available to all of those who are important to us.

Julie Safranski, LCSW, is a Chicago psychotherapist. She tries daily to find her “me” time and likes helping others create the best self-care plan that works for them. Julie can be reached at js@juliesafranski.com.

February 9, 2015

Improve Your Sleep Hygiene for a Better Night’s Rest

Photo by Logan Nolin on Unsplash

Everyone struggles from time-to-time with a poor night’s sleep. An occasional night where you wake up and can’t fall back asleep is not that uncommon. But there are times where you may be having racing thoughts that makes it difficult to unwind at night. You can’t fall asleep when you would like and end up staying up much later than intended. But there are times that you have gone to bed at a reasonable hour but still feel tired in the morning because you were tossing and turning all night long. If any of these scenarios happen to you on a regular basis it may be time to consider what are your sleep habits or sleep hygiene and think about making a change.

One consideration is the food and beverages you are consuming near bedtime. High-fat or spicy foods can be difficult to digest and eating them close to bedtime can make it hard to fall asleep. But on the other hand going to bed hungry could also prevent you from getting to sleep because your stomach is growling. Having a light snack before bed (e.g. yogurt with fruit, cereal with milk, almond butter and bananas) can help. Also taking stock of how much caffeine you have had during the day is important. The timing in which you had that last caffeinated beverage can really affect how you are able to fall asleep. Having that last jolt of caffeine at 4pm may be what is disturbing your sleep when trying to fall asleep at 10:30pm. Alcohol is also a culprit for disturbing sleep patterns. It seems counterintuitive because it makes us fall asleep faster but studies show that it interferes with the quality of sleep.

Exercise is another way to improve your sleep. Whether you workout at your local gym, play team sports, do Pilates, belong to a specialty gym like Cross Fit or Fly Wheel or just grab a pair of shoes to go running or walking outside, getting a cardio workout on a regular basis will help you fall asleep and stay asleep. The health benefits are too numerous to name, not to mention the mental benefits of clearing your head and experiencing the endorphins after exercising and creating an overall better mood. And not to forget yoga, which has a calming affect as well as doing some of these stretches could help before bed.

We all are attached to our various devices and electronics. But we are finding out that looking at them too close to bedtime can interfere with our ability to fall asleep. Turning our devices off before going to sleep and leaving our smart phones, tablets and TV’s out of the bedroom can help us develop better sleep habits. It prevents our brain from misinterpreting the light so we stay awake. Also leaving our phones out of the bedroom, creates that boundary and alerts our brain that we are getting ready to sleep. Not to mention if we leave the phone in the bedroom (even if it is for the alarm), we are still on “alert” to get a text or feel the need to check that work email just one last time. We are not allowing our brains to shut-down and relax for the night.

A great way to ensure a good night sleep is to create a relaxing bedtime routine that you can anywhere no matter where you are. This could entail reading a good book or magazine before bed (not on your laptop, Kindle or phone!) even if it is just a handful of pages a night. Maybe that means for you to take a relaxing bath or shower. Eliminating emotional conversations near bedtime that can keep you awake is also helpful. Drinking some non-caffeinated tea or even hot water with lemon. For some it may mean stretches to relax our muscles from a stressful day. Journaling before bed such as writing the highlights of the day or creating a gratitude journal can be an effective way to try create positive thoughts before bed. But whatever you choose, doing the routine on a regular basis and creating good sleep hygiene signals to your brain that it is time to go to sleep.

Good sleep hygiene is one way to help manage day-to-day. Even changing one of your sleep patterns may be able to produce some relief in your sleeplessness and increase overall health benefits. The more sleep you are able to get, the better our ability to deal with the daily stressors of life.

Julie Safranski, LCSW is a Chicago psychotherapist. She enjoys helping people develop self-care skills including sleep hygiene to enjoy their busy lives. She can be contacted at js@juliesafranski.com