Anxiety Archives | Julie Safranski LCSW

Category: Anxiety

February 27, 2016

Teens with Anxiety: 5 Books to Read

Stress and anxiety is a way of life these days for not just adults but kids and teenagers. We know that societal pressures to be “the best” can create mental health issues for our kids. In my last post, I wrote about the figuring out the difference between teens with stress or teens with anxiety. And maybe your kid is struggling but it is a recent development. Or maybe you are not quite ready to commit to therapy right now but you want to help but are not sure how. Although not a substitute for therapy, suggesting some reading for your teenager to do on their own could be an option. Often kids at this age really feel that they are the only ones dealing with the issue of stress or anxiety (wrong!). Learning about how others their age have handled it can be a great first step in dealing with the problem. If your child is younger than 10 and is dealing with anxiety, here is another post that provides options of children’s books that may be helpful.

Here are 5 suggestions:

Playing with Anxiety: Casey’s Guide for Teens and Kids

Reid Wilson and Lynn Lyons (best for 11-14 y.o.)

This is a free e-book at http://www.playingwithanxiety.com/ with a companion parent book for purchase. Written in first-person by a girl named Casey, chronicles how she has come to grips with anxiety and eventually managing through acceptance. I find that when a teenager is coming to terms with their anxiety, first-hand accounts can be a successful way of introducing the topic in a non-threatening way.

My Anxious Mind: A Teen’s Guide to Managing Anxiety and Panic

Michael Tomkins, PhD and Katherine Martinez, PhD (best for 14 y.o. +)

A thorough, but not overwhelming overview of all types of anxiety. This book is written in a way that appeals to older teenagers with great illustrations. Offers vignettes that teens with anxiety can relate to while providing the basics of cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT).

Mindfulness for Teen Anxiety: A Workbook for Overcoming Anxiety at Home, at School and Everywhere Else

Christopher Willard, PsyD (best for 11 y.o. +)

This book appeals to teenagers because it is written in a very straightforward manner without a lot of psychological jargon. This is a great workbook for those teens with anxiety who are ready to deal with it. It’s also activity oriented and may be good for those kids who are have difficulty talking about their anxiety but want to develop skills of how to manage it. I have utilized this book in my work with teenagers whether it be during sessions or as homework (just don’t call it that-ha!).

What You Must Think of Me: A First-Hand Account of One Teenager’s Experience with Social Anxiety Disorder

Emily Ford with Michael Liebowitz, MD (best for 13 yo +)

This is written by a young woman, Emily who recounts her high school days as she goes back to visit her teachers (and is now a teacher herself) dealing with social phobia. A compelling read that details the self-consciousness and fear of judgment to crippling proportions that those with social anxiety face. It can be downloaded for free at http://www.annenbergpublicpolicycenter.org/publication/what-you-must-think-of-me/

The Shyness and Social Anxiety Workbook for Teens

Jennifer Shannon, LMFT ( best for 12+)

Another great resource for those teens with anxiety and are struggling socially. This workbook breaks down some of the important aspects of CBT and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) and presents it in an accessible way for teens. Covers topics such as perfectionism, distorted thoughts and what to do when you get stuck.

Julie Safranski, LCSW is a Chicago psychotherapist. She loves helping teens find practical ways to manage their anxiety. She can be reached at js@juliesafranski.com.

January 19, 2016

Is Your Teenager Dealing with Stress or is it Anxiety?

“OMG I’m so stressed out.”

I’m sure there isn’t anyone who hasn’t seen a text or heard this from someone they know especially if they have teenagers in their life. We know that teens are dealing with stress more than in previous generations and in one study teenagers were reporting more stress than adults particularly during the school year. There are also recent articles describing how teenagers are having trouble dealing with stress related to school performance , managing social media or getting into college . Sadly, we also have seen the inability to cope with stress that has lead to tragic outcomes in some areas . But how do we know if your teenager is just dealing with stress in their life or if they are experiencing something more serious such as an anxiety disorder?

There are several factors to consider if you are trying to determine whether or not your child is just stressed out or has symptoms of anxiety. First, understanding the difference between stress and anxiety is key as the terms are used interchangeably. Stress is your body’s reaction to a real or perceived demand whether it be routine (e.g. school pressures), a change (e.g. divorce) or trauma (e.g. car accident). Anxiety is a reaction to the stress which often appears as excessive, persistent or unrealistic. One aspect to determine is if your child’s stress is distressing enough to be interfering with many aspects of their life. For some kids, they may have a lot on their plate with extra-curricular activities, AP classes, job etc. but they are able to manage in most situations with a few hiccups along the way. But if you are concerned, considering whether or not stress is affecting their most important areas of their life is a start.

Other factors to consider:

School

Most teenagers find school to be a stressor at some point of their career. Does your teenager worry about getting their assignments done even though they always get it completed in time? Or does your teen have excessive anxiety about an upcoming exam or test even though they studied? There are some students who just avoid doing schoolwork completely because the thought of doing it is so overwhelming and end up getting behind in their classes. You may have seen their grades suffered because of this. Another indicator is that they ask to be called-in sick from school when they are not sick or they ditch classes.

Sports/Activities

Has your teenager quit their sports team because they felt like the pressure was “too much”? Or maybe they get so worked up before a game they may have stomachaches or throw-up before games. Another indicator is that your teen may mention that they are afraid to make a mistake so they do not “let the team down”. All of these instances could be telling you that your teenager is having a hard time dealing with stress and may be feeling anxiety.

Relationships with family

Are you continually reassuring your teenager that “things are going to work out”? Or you may be wondering why they are uninterested in getting a driver’s license or getting a part-time job. They may tell you they don’t want to do those things “right now” because they are too stressed. These may be signs that anxiety is a concern.

Relationships with friends

It’s typical that teenagers would rather hang out with their friends than their family. Do you feel like you are encouraging your teen to go out with their friends and it is met with resistance? Or do they end up spending most of their weekends online rather than spending face-to-face time with friends? If this is a change, it may be that the social dynamics with their friends is too stressful so they would rather stay home with family to avoid the anxiety-provoking interactions.

Job

A job for a teenager is usually their ticket to independence. If they are uninterested in getting a job (or babysitting, shoveling snow etc.) but talked about it in the past, it may be a sign that taking on a new responsibility is just too much. Or if your child who once loved their part-time job is suddenly calling in or said they quit their job for what seems like no apparent reason, it may be a signaling a concern.

Wellness

Teenagers are notorious for poor sleep habits but have you noticed they have changed recently? Sleeping too little or too much are cause for concern that your teen is having a hard time dealing with stress. In addition, if they are frequently skipping meals or eating more than usual. Not to mention if you think they may be self-medicating through drugs or alcohol. Changes in health related issues can also signal anxiety is becoming an issue.

Two other factors to consider:

How long has it been going on?

Has it just been the last few weeks around a particular event (eg. getting essays done for college apps) or has it been going on continually for several months?

Does the level of anxiety seem appropriate to the event?

Does your teenager’s anxiety about taking a test that she studied for seem more with someone who is taking the SAT for the first time?

If you find yourself thinking that more of these descriptions fit your teenager than not, it may be time to consider talking to a professional about your the way your teenager is feeling. Whether your child is just having difficulty juggling their responsibilities or if their thoughts of worry are interfering with their daily life, a psychotherapist can help. Therapy can provide tools to manage stress, incorporate self-care, and change unhealthy ways of thinking.

Julie Safranski, LCSW is a Chicago psychotherapist. She can be reached at js@juliesafranski.com.

September 27, 2015

Dealing with Anxiety; 10 Suggestions of Children’s Books

“What’s a good book I can read to my son/daughter about ……”

I often get asked to recommend books particularly for children and teenagers on various topics. So I decided to provide a list of 10 suggestions of various children’s books dealing with anxiety (in no particular order). This month I am focusing on books for kids in pre-school and elementary school. I hope to make this a regular series and will do another post for pre-teen and teenagers dealing with anxiety. For more possibilities of books/workbooks for kids on various topics you can head over to my Pinterest page.

I am Too Absolutely Small for School— Lauren Child (Grades PreK-K)

A book from the well-known series about Lola and her older brother, Charlie who is always trying to help his quirky sister. This one is about going to kindergarten and Charlie tries to get Lola to understand why it’s so important to go to school even though she gives her brother many (common) excuses of why she can’t go. Great multi-media artwork that kids always enjoy.

Jake Starts School— Michael Wright (Gr. Pre-K-1)

A lot of kids when being dropped off on the first day of school, tell their parents they don’t want them to go (including mine). And this story depicts an over-the-top version of what would happen if parents were to stay with their son/daughter in class. This is bound to crack some smiles for both kids and parents.

The Kissing Hand –Audrey Penn (Gr. PreK-K )

This is one of the sweetest books about how to manage your feelings about going to school for the first time and being separated from family. This is a classic and if you haven’t read it yet, once you do you will know why.

What to Do if you Worry Too Much; A Kid’s Guide to Overcoming Anxiety —Dawn Huebner PhD (Gr. 2-5)

More of workbook than a story, this book written by a psychologist, helps reassure kids that they are not alone in dealing with their anxiety. Provides kid-friendly concepts and illustrations along with strategies. A great tool that parents can do together with their child to reinforce concepts learned throughout the book or in between therapy sessions.

Wilma Jean the Worry Machine— Julia Cook (Gr. 2-5 )

Poor Wilma Jean–she cannot help herself from saying “What if?” The author provides great strategies of how to deal with different types of worries (ones you can control vs not control). Kids love her books with the colorful, relatable characters.

Wemberley Worried — Kevin Henkes (Gr. PreK-K)

Wemberley worries about everything in her life including going to school until she meets a friend just like her. Young kids who struggle with generalized anxiety will relate to all of her concerns and find comfort that they are not the only one who has worries.

When My Worries Get Too Big! A Relaxation Book for Children who Live with Anxiety— Kari Dunn Buron (Gr. 1-5)

A great book for those kids who have intense emotions regarding anxiety including those with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD), ADHD etc. It gives specific calming strategies and simple tools to help families have a way to communicate about their child’ s anxiety.

Testing Miss Malarkey –Judy Finchler (Gr. 2-5)

A humorous tale for those kids who are worrying about standardized tests (that happen oh-so-often these days!). Although it doesn’t give specific strategies, it tries to give the perspective that testing isn’t about the student’s scores but about measuring up the school staff.

A Bad Case of the Stripes– David Shannon (Gr. 1-4)

A fantastic read about being yourself and what happens if you try to be what others want you to be. The underlying theme focuses on anxiety, which illustrates the the consequences of not being yourself and a good read for those kids who struggle with some social anxiety.

Up and Down the Worry Hill; A Children’s Book about Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder and it’s Treatment —Aureen Pinto Wagner PhD (Gr. 1-4)

Children who have OCD will see themselves in the main character, Casey who struggles with getting through his day-to-day routine. There is a parent companion book that some also might find it helpful in supporting their child.

Julie Safranski, LCSW is a Chicago psychotherapist in private practice. She can be contacted at js@juliesafranski.com.

August 12, 2015

Back to School! How to Help your Child with School Anxiety

It’s time for back to school! For some kids, this brings excitement of getting a new backpack, figuring out their first day of school outfit and looking forward to connecting with their friends they haven’t seen all summer. For others, it brings a sense of dread and worry. How do you know if your child or teenager may be experiencing school anxiety? Anxiety can look different in everyone but some possible clues are; disruption in their sleep patterns (e.g. trouble staying asleep or can’t fall asleep) changes in mood (e.g. more moody or irritable than usual), overly focused about school (e.g. memorizing their schedule over and over) or directly verbalizing it (e.g. “I wish I never had to go to school”). But not all kids show signs of anxiety until after the “honeymoon period” of the first days of school. Other signs such as having a hard time getting them up in the morning, faking an illness or avoiding discussing the topic of school. If you suspect that your child may be experiencing some school anxiety, here are some tips to on how to help.

How to Talk to your Child about their Concerns

Start a Conversation and Listen

Acknowledging that you have observed a behavior that concerns you is a great opener. (“I noticed that you keep changing the subject when we talk about school. Is there anything you want to talk about?”) If they start talking, sometimes just being a listener at first is best. As parents, we often want to fix the problem for them so we can make them feel better. But kids sometimes just want to vent and know someone is hearing what they have to say.

Restate What They Have Shared

Often our first reaction is to tell our kids that “You’ll be fine” but that can feel dismissive because you are not acknowledging their current emotions. To make your child feel heard, rephrasing what they have shared will be helpful “ It seems that being able to memorize your new combination has really been on your mind ”.

Ask Questions

Ask some clarifying questions to see if you can get to the root of their school anxiety. “Maybe you are feeling nervous because you will have a new teacher?” or “ Do any of your friends have lunch the same period you have?”

Normalize Feelings

Share that often people have mixed emotions about going back to school. Let them know it is ok to feel excited, nervous, curious etc. all at the same time. And sharing that your feelings are ok no matter what they are is another way to validate what they are going through.

Come up with Solutions Together

Help your child or teen problem-solve and come up with some options that might make them feel better about their school anxiety. Below are some suggestions to get you started.

Visit the school grounds Depending on the grade level, this could mean going to the school playground to become acquainted (or reacquainted) and to know what door they will be entering in the building. For middle/high school students, you may be able to ask the principal/counselor to see if you can get a tour of the building ahead of school starting particularly if they do not offer something prior such as a middle school or freshman orientation.
Set a schedule In a previous post, I wrote about tips for getting back in the routine for kids with ADHD but a lot of the strategies could apply to any student. Planning for the structure of the school day or week can help alleviate some fears of the unknown (or forgotten).
Read books about school anxiety (elementary) The Kissing Hand is a sweet story for entering school for the first time for Pre-K/K and I Don’t Want to Go to School is a fun read for PreK/K. Wemberley Worried is a great book for PreK-2 discussing anxiety overall as well as Wilma Jean the Worry Machine, for grades 2-5 which offers practical strategies for anxiety as well as an entertaining story. You can check out my Pinterest Back to School page for more recs.
Focus on favorite things For younger kids especially new to school or going full-day for the first time, having a photo in their backpack of the family could be helpful to refer to when needed. For older kids, having them decorate their binder(s) and /or locker with pictures of things they like such as celebrities, bands etc. might create more excitement for the first days of school.
Hang out with friends from school For some kids, they may not end up seeing their school friends all summer due to scheduling, vacations, camps etc. But making an extra effort such as hosting a get-together with the kids they had in class last year might help with the transition.
Email school personnel For parents of elementary school students, often you do not know who your child’s teacher is until very close to the start of school. But when you are made aware, even just letting your child’s teacher know your child is having some anxiety about going back to school will be very helpful for their teacher. For middle school or high school students, an email to the school counselor or school social worker making them aware of your kid’s school anxiety may be also be worthwhile. They may offer to touch-base within the first few days if needed.

Julie Safranski, LCSW is a Chicago psychotherapist. She enjoys working with kids to find ways to deal with their anxiety and feel better. She can be reached at js@juliesafranski.com.

February 9, 2015

Improve Your Sleep Hygiene for a Better Night’s Rest

Photo by Logan Nolin on Unsplash

Everyone struggles from time-to-time with a poor night’s sleep. An occasional night where you wake up and can’t fall back asleep is not that uncommon. But there are times where you may be having racing thoughts that makes it difficult to unwind at night. You can’t fall asleep when you would like and end up staying up much later than intended. But there are times that you have gone to bed at a reasonable hour but still feel tired in the morning because you were tossing and turning all night long. If any of these scenarios happen to you on a regular basis it may be time to consider what are your sleep habits or sleep hygiene and think about making a change.

One consideration is the food and beverages you are consuming near bedtime. High-fat or spicy foods can be difficult to digest and eating them close to bedtime can make it hard to fall asleep. But on the other hand going to bed hungry could also prevent you from getting to sleep because your stomach is growling. Having a light snack before bed (e.g. yogurt with fruit, cereal with milk, almond butter and bananas) can help. Also taking stock of how much caffeine you have had during the day is important. The timing in which you had that last caffeinated beverage can really affect how you are able to fall asleep. Having that last jolt of caffeine at 4pm may be what is disturbing your sleep when trying to fall asleep at 10:30pm. Alcohol is also a culprit for disturbing sleep patterns. It seems counterintuitive because it makes us fall asleep faster but studies show that it interferes with the quality of sleep.

Exercise is another way to improve your sleep. Whether you workout at your local gym, play team sports, do Pilates, belong to a specialty gym like Cross Fit or Fly Wheel or just grab a pair of shoes to go running or walking outside, getting a cardio workout on a regular basis will help you fall asleep and stay asleep. The health benefits are too numerous to name, not to mention the mental benefits of clearing your head and experiencing the endorphins after exercising and creating an overall better mood. And not to forget yoga, which has a calming affect as well as doing some of these stretches could help before bed.

We all are attached to our various devices and electronics. But we are finding out that looking at them too close to bedtime can interfere with our ability to fall asleep. Turning our devices off before going to sleep and leaving our smart phones, tablets and TV’s out of the bedroom can help us develop better sleep habits. It prevents our brain from misinterpreting the light so we stay awake. Also leaving our phones out of the bedroom, creates that boundary and alerts our brain that we are getting ready to sleep. Not to mention if we leave the phone in the bedroom (even if it is for the alarm), we are still on “alert” to get a text or feel the need to check that work email just one last time. We are not allowing our brains to shut-down and relax for the night.

A great way to ensure a good night sleep is to create a relaxing bedtime routine that you can anywhere no matter where you are. This could entail reading a good book or magazine before bed (not on your laptop, Kindle or phone!) even if it is just a handful of pages a night. Maybe that means for you to take a relaxing bath or shower. Eliminating emotional conversations near bedtime that can keep you awake is also helpful. Drinking some non-caffeinated tea or even hot water with lemon. For some it may mean stretches to relax our muscles from a stressful day. Journaling before bed such as writing the highlights of the day or creating a gratitude journal can be an effective way to try create positive thoughts before bed. But whatever you choose, doing the routine on a regular basis and creating good sleep hygiene signals to your brain that it is time to go to sleep.

Good sleep hygiene is one way to help manage day-to-day. Even changing one of your sleep patterns may be able to produce some relief in your sleeplessness and increase overall health benefits. The more sleep you are able to get, the better our ability to deal with the daily stressors of life.

Julie Safranski, LCSW is a Chicago psychotherapist. She enjoys helping people develop self-care skills including sleep hygiene to enjoy their busy lives. She can be contacted at js@juliesafranski.com